The rest of the appointment was total fuucking crap. What a waste of my time.

First of all, it was exactly an HOUR after my appt time when they called me back there. In that hour, they printed off my medical history and had me look over it to see if I needed any corrections. Um, ok. I’ve never had to do that before, but w/e.

My medical history was so screwed up. They left my brother’s chron’s disease off, they switched the smoking and drinking questions and had wrong values in for them.

So I was called back. The nurse (with my medical history right in front of her) asked when my last period was. I told her. She replied with “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” :headdesk: See that line right there with last week’s date? Yeah, that’s a quant beta draw. So unless I got ku in the last week, yeah, i’m pretty sure. (I actually replied with a sweet “As of last Thursday’s beta I wasn’t” She replied with “Oh, so your cycles aren’t regular then?” :headdesk: “You fucking idiot, that’s why on my medical history my cycle length is noted at “at minimum 30 days, but varies greatly” (Sweet replied: “No, that’s partially why I’m here”)

She went over some other stuff but then left me with the gown of doom.

Doctor comes in and says “so tell me about yourself”

I give him my basic history, when i went on the pill, when I went off, etc etc. He says “when was your last period?” I told him. He replied with “are you sure you’re not pregnant?” (Ok at this point I’m going to fucking kill someone). I reminded him about the beta and he says “and it was negative?”

Well then to summarize what he says next basically boils down to “I’m going to recommend you see an RE and come back to me when you’re pregnant”.

To go a little more in detail he said “you’re not ovulating because you’re overweight and i could give you clomid, but since you’re overweight I can’t monitor you that well” He then went into describing how clomid works (really? it tricks your body into producing estrogen? Do tell me more!) and repeated himself about not being able to help me in his office a couple more times. I countered with “well, I’m going to check with my insurance, but if an RE is not covered, what are we going to do?” He kind of sighed, gave me a face and replied with “Well, I suppose we could try it anyways and do the best we can here”.

Yeah, thanks.

He then repeated himself again about “if you were my daughter, I’d tell you to go see a RE and come back to me when you’re pregnant”.

He then asked “so are we going to do a pelvic exam today?”

No, you fuucking idiot, I’m wearing this awful gown because frankly, it turns me on.

He felt me up, probed me down and commented “You’ve got a great looking cervix” He took of his gloves, shook my hand and then told me to get dressed.

When I left, he handed me the standard drug info sheet for clomid and a horribly cheesy looking pamphlet ((c) 2000) entitled: “Evaluating Infertility”

Such was my afternoon.